I have not created enough lately. I have been exhausted the past few weeks with work-related stress, work-related travel and another bout of COVID-19 (much milder than my first two years ago, which itself was not that bad). It was enough to keep me out of action for a bit, in the sense that I would apply less than half of the mental effort I usually do in fun projects on the side.

I find that I lack focus to take the next step, because I do not know which way I should go. I have a bunch of ideas, but none that are sufficiently compelling to me to get over the activation energy required to start them.

The dungeon generator remains where I left it; in a nearly releasable state, yet still unsatisfying. It needs a more well defined algorithm that does not depend on human judgement while drawing the map. I recycled some maps it created in a D&D session and they seemed well received enough; the key was less about having a compelling map, and more about my ability to take that map on the fly and turn it into a challenging tactical problem for the party to solve.

I had an idea for an “orc generator.” I like to roll for monster hit points in my campaigns; it keeps things interesting. I also am running a campaign where I have a lot of orcs that the party can encounter. Thus, it is useful for me if I could roll the hit points of two dozen orcs at once and track the result.

I have been thinking about making games. I usually distrust this impulse when I feel it; it is usually a sign that I am deeply unhappy about work, and that is the thing I really need to focus on fixing. However, part of it this time stems from me playing a lot of old 90’s games from my youth lately (which I did because I just didn’t feel like strategy games when I was sick). It was an amazing time, in that technical innovation was rapid and pioneered by small development teams. I want to make something like those games and own it.

I want to own a profitable software business. I want to be the master of my own fate, to make useful things that should be made, instead of useless things that shouldn’t. I do not wish to be tied to the fate of geriatrics, bond traders or frauds.

It’s not yet time to push the eject button. I should make sure I know where my parachute is though.